@omgthatspunny: A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@wickedsuga: If you stand in front of a mirror & repeat your top tweet 3X, your pretwitter self appears, smacks you & throws your phone in the toilet.
@secondofhername: [if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before.
@TitansHomer: I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.