@juliussharpe: A little bird told me I'm on LSD and talking to a bird.
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@carlyken: "I'd like one personal pizza please" Pizza: Your life's a mess. You should lose 10 pounds. Call your mother. "Whoa maybe not that personal"
@Sassafrantz: Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.
@KatieKatCubs: My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy.
@AnOrangeSNES: In retrospect, dressing as a killer whale when I was assigned to assassinate the Pope wasn't my best idea. I blame Ubisoft, honestly.