@goldengateblond: Don't ask me for childcare advice unless you want nuggets of wisdom like "always punch holes in the box so they can breathe."
@Fred_Delicious: Who cares about the new GTA when you can sit down and enjoy the new testament
@jctwritesstuff: [Speed date]
Me: How many taco trucks are in close proximity to your house?
Him: I uh... I don't...
Me: NEXT
@stephenjmolloy: [Interrogation room]
Good cop: "Confess and we will go easy on you"
Sweet tooth cop: "You bes-
*hears music*
-ICE CREAM MAN!"
*runs outside*
@ShaneKnowsStuff: I don't know about you, but I always watch my garage door go all the way down in case a murderer tries to roll in at the last minute.
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