@NeinQuarterly: A little poetry never killed anybody. But haiku keeps trying.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: HER: you could use some exercise ME: i do pirates on the weekends HER: pilates? ME [hiding eye patch]: uh, yeah sure
@briangaar: "Sir, I need you to explain your resume." Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters "Current job?" I pee on things I don't like
@truegritrumble: ME: You wouldn't believe these sparklers I got! SPOUSE: That's dynamite! ME: *waiving around the lit fuse* I know! It's really cool! SPOUSE: *already running*