@AndyAsAdjective: A lot of people ask me "why do you lie about the high number of people asking you things?"
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@thenatewolf: Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken...
@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work
@ChaseMit: I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.
@melibuff: Helping my daughter study for her geology exam, and apparently 'hard' 'classic' and 'punk' AREN'T the 3 different types of rock. Who knew.