@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
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@NYC_Blonde: That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy's apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.
@InternetHippo: [thoughts of person talking to me]: He's furrowing his brow, he must really be listening! [my brain]: How do cows make cheese
@Sychlops: Pretty sure Zinedine Zidane never forgave his parents for all the waiting he had to do for his attendance call in school.
@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* "Don't you wish there were a better way?"