@zachreinert03: A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it's actually one of the only games you can't lose twice
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@robolollycop: Teach a man to fish and he will evolve to become so skilled at it that he destroys the ocean and kills every last fish. Nice one education.
@david8hughes: [identifying body] Cop: this him? Me: yea Cop: he's burnt pretty bad huh Me: yea Cop: ... Me: ... Cop: prolly get a discount on cremation
@brennadine: I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES "Don't you mean catlike-" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]
@patnelke: My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats.