@zachreinert03: A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it's actually one of the only games you can't lose twice
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@Book_Krazy: Nick's coming over Nick from work, or Nick who thinks he's a scorpion? *Nick bursts through the door* HERE I AM, ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE
@jessokfine: This is a baby horse: it can walk 4 hours after it's born This is a baby human: don't touch its head wrong or you'll bonk its brain
@shkeeber: I'm sorry I burned down your house, but the Mythbusters told me not to try it at home and you should really lock your doors when you go out.
@GroperCleveland: Apple CEO Tim Cook has come out as gay. This totally explains why the new iPhone charger holes became tighter after Steve Jobs died.