@OhNoSheTwitnt: A lot of your 30’s involves finding out that the bartender is younger than you and so is your doctor.
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@dafloydsta: [first day working at Viagra] BOSS: We need a new slogan. ME: *sweating* This is really hard. BOSS: You're a goddamn genius, Johnson.
@AtticusFinch79: ME: what's wrong with my dog VET: he appears perfectly healthy ME: i give him a stick and he just stares at it VET: ... ME: even if I go long, he refuses to throw it
@jimmy_sharpe: Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
@StaceyShortcake: The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn't disappoint.