@crunchenhancer: A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
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@RdrJay47: The only things certain in life are death, taxes, and forgetting my reusable grocery bags.
@JustDontBugMe: [on the phone with cable company] Me: how do I cancel my cable? Rep: first you go to our website and look for our FAQ section- *30 minutes later* Rep: -and then you have to steal the Declaration of Independence to get to the map on the back. The map will lead you to a clue-
@jonny_is_good: Im the victim of an office bathroom power move. My guy used both air dryers to dry his hands while I just stood there like a wet handed fool