@crunchenhancer: A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
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@sssh_squirrel: I'm going to just start biting the faces of people that stand too close during a conversation.
@AndyAsAdjective: people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses
@Vodkantots: Imagine falling in love with someone and then discovering that he has faith in humanity.
@markydoodoo: A dog walks into a bar. Then a bank. Then the dry cleaners. This is a dog world. Way to be productive, dog. Try to do the bar last next time