@NicCageMatch: A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves
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@SuperTeeWhy: [A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk] "Son, when-" *Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for 35 minutes* "Know what, we're good"
@ryaninco: Me: I'll take another drink. Bartender: Would you like for me to call you a cab sir? Me: No it's cool he's driving * points at chair*
@WickedRapunzel: Customer: Can someone else serve us? Me:? C:I don't want my children exposed to the sin of your tattoos. M: Satan wants their tiny souls.