@NicCageMatch: A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves
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@GoldenSpirals: The greatest trick the devil ever played was offering a buy one get one free sale one day after you already purchased two at regular price.
@TheTweetOfGod: Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it.
@TheQuietPsycho: Find a person who wants to do everything w you... ...and fix them up w someone else. You don't need someone that exhausting in your life
@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."