@NicCageMatch: A magician's wife gives birth to a long series of brightly colored scarves
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@Kneevyl: If it weren't for dating sites, I'd still have some self-esteem. Thank God, it's all gone now.
@pharmasean: Chris Pratt is my favorite actor whose name sounds like if a rodent fell in the McDonald's deep fryer
@chuuew: I often find myself singing in the shower, which can be extremely frightening. Is he a clone!? What is this place! SOMEBODY HELP ME.
@OakHill_: Marriage Counselor: Maybe you should change your responses to the things your wife says. Me: Fine, I can do that. *two days later* Her: Do these jeans make me look fat? Me: Yep.