@PaulyPeligroso: A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn't be weird.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: He’s starting to stir! Wife: Shhhh. Me: OH MY GOD… Wife: Be quiet. Me: HE’S GOT A KNIFE! Wife: I hate watching cooking shows with you.
@FudgeRobot: My family crest is just a picture of my grandfather dressed up as a giant hotdog being dragged into a cave by a bear.
@WheelTod: [Raiding ISIS Safehouse] Green leader: Area secured. Over Me: Apple Turn. Over GL: Wha Me: Extreme make. Over GL: Take that guy out too