@PaulyPeligroso: A man caught me applying chap stick, so I just started eating it so it wouldn't be weird.
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@HeyoShellz: Dude tried to pick me up at the gym but I was like bro I'm dying just let me lay here
@OfficeofSteve: When I die and doctors perform an autopsy, they'll probably find twenty pounds of stickers off of fruit in my intestines
@fro_vo: HOPE: why did you name me Hope MOM: you were our hope for the future DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE A LOVELESS MARRIAGE: what about me MOM: same