@LoriLuvsShoes: A man in the car beside me had his arm out the window and I was admiring his sleeve tattoo until I realized it was only excessive arm hair
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@ThaJawn: Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands
@BarndogKarck: Fred: let's settle this once and for all! *fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull* Velma: he wasn't wearing a mask! Fred: I know.
@david8hughes: "HONEY, MY TOOTHBRUSH IS MOVING!" "Has it got ears?" "YEAH." "Tail?" "YEAH." "Is it the dog?" "I THINK I KNOW THE DIFF--AH IT BIT ME AGAIN!"
@michaelianblack: Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me.