@RainbowJohnJ: A man once asked me what autodefenestration meant. Avoiding the question, I jumped out a window.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Pharmacy] Me: I need 50 packets of condoms Pharmacist: Somebody has a busy weekend! *I wink* *cut to me making raincoats for my pet snakes*
@TragicAllyHere: Kid: MOM WHERE ARE YOU M: upstairs K: WHERE? M: upstairs K: UPSTAIRS? M: yes K: UPSTAIRS OF THIS HOUSE? M: what the? yes K: ARE YOU UPSTAIRS
@JermHimselfish: I dream of living in a world where men are judged not by the color of their skin, but by the contents of their iPod.
@JosesLovesYou: For a hero, it's pretty cool that Mario is just a dude who ignores his real job, does mushrooms and smashes his head into things all day.