@RainbowJohnJ: A man once asked me what autodefenestration meant. Avoiding the question, I jumped out a window.
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@Elizasoul80: 5 year old son: I want to be a boxer. Me: I think you're too cute to be a boxer. 5: Yes, that is what everybody will think.
@ChipKellysBalls: Why is it the the people who drink the most Red Bull are the people who seem to have the least going on?
@somecleverthing: Turtleneck pro: if you wear one while you're eating you can't get crumbs in your bra. Turtleneck con: see above.
@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"