@IronballsMcGinT: A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the "wrong person," which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.
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@myles_morrison: Kids having the best time ever sound exactly the same as kids being axe-murdered.
@Mom_Overboard: Receptionist: Psychiatric Unit, can I help you? Me: Yes, I'd like to make a reservation...
@shegotagronk: Shout out to my drug dealer Jamal, he's taught me more about the metric system than any of my teachers ever did.