@markleggett: A man who calls himself "Dog the Bounty Hunter" is currently hunting down a man named "War Machine". We all live inside a comic book now.
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@astutenewf: When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
@KeetPotato: [my 1st day as crime scene investigator] detective: "how did this man drown?" me: "he could not breathe underwater"