@_NinJar: A missing 3YO was found inside a bowling alley claw game. After many failed attempts to get him out, police just settled on the turtle doll.
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@flashember: Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? "Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
@better_off_dad: I keep forgetting my passwords so I changed them all to one that's super easy for me to remember: InsufficientFundsContactYourBank00.00
@HogwartsLogics: Harry wasn't chosen for Ravenclaw because he tried to catch the Hogwarts letters from the air instead of taking one from the floor.