@internetluke: A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van.
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@causticbob: I got kicked out of the casino in Las Vegas. I didn't cheat. I just misunderstood what the craps table was for.
@LerbsyCherbs: I walk with a limp so people think I have a gun in my boot. And because I sprained my ankle running away from a moth.
@SteveKoehler22: One time, when the kids were teenagers, we tried to ditch them on a family holiday. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us.
@cray_at_home_ma: Me, to all my kids before the age of 2. "No screens allowed." On their 2nd birthday, handing over iPad. "This is your mother now."