@cashbonez: [A montage of me flailing because I walked into a spiders web, with larger and larger crowds, until I am at the karate championships]
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@Reverend_Scott: [Interview] "You were arrested for armed robbery?" I had no choice. It's silly to try and rob a bank without your arms. "We'll be in touch."
@KizerBillhelm: *dies* *gets to heaven* *sees furries everywhere* Me: What the... Jeebus: Hell hath no furry, man *laughs, puts on giraffe costume*
@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?