@andylassner: A Morning After pill but for over eating.
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@est1975blog: I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it
@BriarSlyMadness: Believing that you are popular or "famous" on twitter... ...is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly.
@ConanOBrien: My two favorite things about Easter morning are (1) hiding the eggs and (2) the looks on my kids' faces when the snakes start to hatch.
@david8hughes: God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then