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@andylassner: A Morning After pill but for over eating.
@eileencurtright: I ordered a bed from IKEA and they sent me a tree trunk and a saw.
@stewnami: I just burped and fogged my glasses up. Line forms to the left ladies.
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven...
Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me.
Jesus: You don't say.
@politicalmath: I hate hipsters. Their smug faces, vegan diet, tiny feet & sawdust bedding. No wait. Hamsters. I hate hamsters.
@gamecox93: Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space.