@kiralc: a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians
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@GypsyWingss: Mom: a little birdie told me you got drunk last night Me: you're the one friggen talking to birds
@itsmovies: In movies when people go underwater, I like to hold my breath and see if I would survive in that situation. I died in Finding Nemo.
@dafloydsta: Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?