@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.
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@flashember: TRANSLATORS: we're done, sire. 7 years. Every last word painstakingly translated into English. KING JAMES I: call it the King James Bible
@ArfMeasures: ME: It's a gun fight, don't say you brought a knife ALANIS MORRISETTE [brandishing 10,000 spoons] I'm not an idiot
@JohnLyonTweets: Facebook post: Sad news. Mom passed away this morning. Facebook: Be the first person to like this.
@sixthformpoet: A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.