@GrowlyGrego: A new hipster coffee shop in my hood doesn't have wifi b/c it wants to encourage talking...presumably about the failure of this coffee shop.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Guinea pigs aren't real pets. You buy them when your kids are begging for a dog, but you want to make them sad instead.
@senderblock23: "I heard low winter sun is pretty good." - low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it's voice
@ericsshadow: [answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me.