@GaryJanetti: A new study shows body-image issues start as young as 3. How awful. That means 2-year-olds with gross bodies think they look okay.
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@onion_an: Gf: Remember that night we had unprotected sex Me: Yeah Gf: I'm having twins Me suspiciously: We only did it once why's there two babies
@Book_Krazy: Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What's the first step of fire safety? 4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.
@jitka: My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in