@GaryJanetti: A new study shows body-image issues start as young as 3. How awful. That means 2-year-olds with gross bodies think they look okay.
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@Reverend_Scott: [job interview] How would you improve our business? "Dude, I'd bankrupt you in a week. I'm just catchin Pokemon in your office."
@dire_beard: If a child's survival depended on my ability to share bacon, I would weep greasy, bacony tears at that child's funeral.
@Slims_Ramblings: Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I didn't see you first.
@TonyFratto: I joke but this Scotland thing is nuts. I mean...imagine if Canada ever tried to secede from the U.S.