@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
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@Jay_FrickinLynn: Excuse me, ma'am. Your car doesn't make you invisible, but I am super impressed by how far you just got your finger up your nose.
@beefman138: 3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen? Me : Sorry, darling. We can't watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.
@TheBoydP: Brain cancer from cell phones is no longer considered a risk because who holds their phone up to their head anymore?