@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."
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@MattElGato: Have you found Jesus? No? Me neither. I think we lost him near the border. God, I hope he's ok. He had like all the cocaine with him.
@heroinsdemise: What many don't know, "Riverdance" was invented while waiting in line at the ladies toilet.
@hazelmotes1: Having children really brought me and my wife closer together. We have a common enemy now.