@JohnsonDiaz21: A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@briangaar: "Tom Brady did nothing wrong" is Boston's "The Confederate Flag isn't really about slavery."
@alldrolledup: when your neighbor cuts his grass and suddenly your place looks like a good place to score meth
@johnfreiler: my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET