@ericONEderful: A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.
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@RealDMK: Buy followers? No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to
@atanya1111: Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@Torriable: I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can't even afford A washer or a dryer