@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
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@FunkyFresh_79: [runs inside of a gas station] "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
@saucy_peaches: Why are you so pissed? You asked me what turns me on and all I said was you not talking...
@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.
@hazelmotes1: Me: my best friend is my wife Everyone: awwww My Best Friend Carl: FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT YOUR WIFE