@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
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@kiralc: explaining cat scratches is like defending an abusive boyfriend to your parents "he didn't mean it" "you guys just don't know him like I do"
@IntrovertSquad: Friend: wanna hang out tomorrow? Me: I actually performed an activity yesterday. Please wait the three day recovery period to submit another inquiry.
@caliluvgirl77: If I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol with NyQuil, then why did it come with a shot glass?
@kumailn: Shocking that people who've been physically assaulting each other for 3 hours would lose their tempers.