@_NTFG_: A News Reporter just described someone as "Healthy as a Bus".
Yeah....I don't know either.
@GashleyMadison: Lost my pet unicorn.
If you find it, please share your drugs.
@Dawn_M_: Of course you can trust me with your secret.
*Calls local news team
@PopSlapFunk: Arrhythmia, blocked arteries, leaky valves, "Hey, I found you on Twitter" and other things that will suddenly stop your heart.
@KissabiX: The Lion King is my favourite film outlining why you shouldn't trust your uncle
@withanewname: "SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?"
"SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!"
"SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?"
Wife: "She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."