@NatasshaStash: A nice way to tell someone their breath stinks, "well I'm bored,let's go brush our teeth" in mid convo
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@hippieswordfish: ME: i thought i saw a new color today WIFE: wait- is this..are you.. M: but it- W: oh no M: was just- W: dont M: a pigment of my imagination
@Rollmaninoz: *KFC* Me: how tender is the chicken? Employee: [points to chicken crying watching the notebook]
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Did you use my highlighter? 2-year-old: Me: 2: Me: 2: No. Apparently she’s always been neon yellow.