@mattchew81: A nicer way to tell someone their breath stinks is to say "I'm bored, let's go brush your teeth!"
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@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@Awesomemom10: Wow, I must look really hot tonight working out, everyone is totally staring at me. *walking on treadmill with a candy bar and a Pepsi