@TheMichaelRock: A Nicki Minaj song makes way more sense if you make up your own lyrics.
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@Reverend_Scott: BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]
@PsychoCesc: The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.
@shutupmikeginn: friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive
@iGreenMonk: Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.