@Just__J0: A panic attack is hearing your teens laughing in another room at the same time you can't find your phone.
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@tinynietzsche: The five second rule doesn't apply to babies. You can pick them up anytime after dropping.
@hippieswordfish: 'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
@koalaslament: I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they're in the middle of a race.
@panmidwest: ME: [repeatedly trying, and failing, to film a successful water bottle flip] DAVID ATTENBOROUGH: experts project extinction for this species