@just1fool: A passion inside me burns. It's called chlamydia.
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@coryrichardson_: [at wife's office party] wife: don't show anybody your tattoo of ratatouille me: [to her boss, immediately] wanna see my ratattooie
@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.
@AndrewNadeau0: LEGOLAS: You have my bow. GIMLI: And my ax. [Everyone looks at me, closely guarding my sandwich] ME: You can have a SMALL bite.
@Awesome_Todd: Is it "raymen" noodles or "rawmun" noodles? I don't wanna sound stupid when asking the gas station clerk for a wine to complement my dinner.