@Brianhopecomedy: A person followed me and then unfollowed me within 3 minutes. How can they judge me after only seeing 47 tweets?
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@theyearofelan: Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???
@_mcgoof: Pizza places should give away free pizza car air-freshners. Within 5seconds of sitting in your car, you WILL crave pizza.
@omgthatspunny: Do you know why the Little Mermaid wears seashells? Because A and B shells were too small