@UNTRESOR: A person running around with a laptop chasing an unsecured WiFi signal looks eerily like a cat chasing a laser pointer.
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@LackOfShame: Relationship Status: Married long enough to know when I hear her say "I love you," she's talking to our dog.
@RumAndReeses: My husband grew a beard and suddenly I'm having to karate chop every woman we pass.
@Mr_Bucky: My weird paranoid neighbor, shreds all her mail and closes all the shades. But never locks her basement window.
@luvsoralfun: Relationship status: looking for a woman whose family would pay me $1mil to disappear and not contact her anymore...