@therepoguy: A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes.
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@trumpetcake: People always complain that I'm "out there." [On the phone. To the cops. While I'm sitting in their birdbath.]
@TheCatWhisprer: We save women and children first because the dads have to make sure all the lights are off and the thermostat is set appropriately.
@NikiWithIssues: There's a butterfly in my office and a nerf gun in my purse. Susan, clear my schedule.