@therepoguy: A picture so sexy my computer just covered my eyes.
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@FXTVaddict: Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she thought I said rum and Coke. Boss: 5 times? Me: Yeah I guess. B: ..... M: HR again?
@flashember: [Morning after wedding] *dead husband lies on bed* PRAYING MANTIS: [On phone] Mom *sobs* it happened again MOM: Ok hurry up and eat his body
@pplwtching: If someone says, "right about now" and you don't respond with "the funk soul brother" we can't be friends.
@RandiLawson: Sometimes I wish I was a mermaid. Maybe then HR would stop hassling me for wearing a seashell bra on casual Fridays.