@StoferComic: A picture's worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post.
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@Cait_Plus_Eight: Your ex asking if you can still be friends is like kidnappers saying "keep in touch" after they let you go.
@GingerGander: There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win.
@NicestHippo: ME: Lord, what have I done to deserve this GOD: *unfurls a scroll that keeps going for miles* Well
@Reverend_Scott: Wife: "If I died, would you remarry?" Me: "Yup." Wife: "And you'd even let her use my golf clubs??" Me: "No silly! She's left handed."