@StoferComic: A picture's worth 1,000 words, which explains why Twitter only shows 14 percent of the images I post.
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@roostermustache: Me: yah after the car accident i can barely raise my arm Lawyer: how high could u raise it before Me:*raises arm over head* like this high
@TheBoydP: What's it called when a super model wants to date an accountant? Wishful thinking. Obviously
@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
@dvoted_hubsand: I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"