@neiltyson: Hmm. Nissan Altima TV commercial boasts NASA inspired zero-gravity seats. But if you're in zero gravity, you don't need seats

@Reverend_Scott: [hands mom flowers on Mother's day] thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks

@CulturedRuffian: Doughnuts alone won't fill the emptiness in your soul...you'll also need chocolate milk.

@DimpleThakkar: Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.

@Dwarven_Cleric: People who peel the entire banana before eating it are the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.