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@pauleggleston: A poet once gave
a pigeon helium, and
invented high coo.
@nerdreign: Some days it's little things, the tone of his voice or his words when we're alone, that help me realize I'd rather have the insurance money.
@GeauxSaints79: M: Are you gonna eat that baby?
Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O'
M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind.
@SteveKoehler22: When your wife asks you to dig
a hole for her shrub-
She'll feel threatened if you make
it large enough to hold a body.
I know this now.
@juneohara65: I'd get into a lesbian relationship just to mooch my girlfriend's hair care products.
@Dani_Feld: Dear millionaires,
If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong.