@DeronH: A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
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@TheQuietPsycho: CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy
@5exyunchained: It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
@slimmy_shady: Breaking news!? Shark sighting off Daytona shores. It's the ocean! That's where they live. I saw a bird in the sky. Report that too!
@1CarParade: If the government keeps doing nothing for much longer, it will get its own reality show on E!