@DeronH: A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked me "Where were you between four and six?" I replied, "Kindergarden"
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@liv_thatsme: I always bring 2 pop tarts to work, so I can eat one now and the other one also now.
@SadieSmithRoks: Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free.
@sarahjeong: the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now