@Juven_Naidoo: A policeman walks into a bar. The bar is now being charged for assaulting a police officer.
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@weinerdog4life: How to make friends: Put your clothes on backwards so people don't notice you walking up to them.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Can you do what you want at work? Me: No, I have to listen to my boss. 4: Mom is at your work?
@bestlizard: A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win.