@Juven_Naidoo: A policeman walks into a bar. The bar is now being charged for assaulting a police officer.
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@ObscureGent: Is it weird to think about naming my next cat Batman during sex? Sir, I just serve coffee here. But no, it's not weird. It's fantastic!
@mean_crow: "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said mommy bear. "Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"
@Chelsea_Elle: Asked a Target employee if I could open this camera before I buy it and he said he wouldn't even care if I killed someone in front of him.
@_Water_Baby: Whose bad idea was it to text him a 4th time just in case his phone was being weird? Tequila, I'm looking at you.