@amishschool: A political analyst said we can defeat ISIS by "crippling them financially" so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods.
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@TheHyyyype: [speed-dating] ME: wanna see a magic trick? HER: sure! ME: yikes *writes "27 years old and still believes in magic" in notebook*
@NicestHippo: You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn