@omgthatspunny: A pouch potato 😂
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@iamfase: The greatest trick Facebook ever pulled was to convince the world we actually want to keep in touch with people we went to school with.
@hippieswordfish: ME: *opens planner and puts on reading glasses* no im sorry looks like i can't make it FRIEND: you're holding a VCR warranty brochure
@BrendanMcKeigan: Got kicked out of the grocery store. Apparently yelling "LET THE BEETS DROP!" And throwing them at the ground is not acceptable.