@1evilidiot: A protected acct with 0 followers just followed me. Mom, is that you?
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@b0dymassage: 'Joe whats that package ya got today?' "ITS MY BOOK ABOUT CLOCKS. I ORDERED IT LIKE 2 MONTHS AGO" 'Well its about time, right?' "RIGHT"
@Wenderella22: Birth control pills should really be made for men. It makes more sense to unload a gun than to shoot a bullet proof vest
@Phantasmagoriax: If I ever die, my phone better go with me or there will be some pissed off people at my funeral.