@1evilidiot: A protected acct with 0 followers just followed me. Mom, is that you?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Donna_McCoy: I turn my phone off overnight. A 3am text either means bad news or drunk people, and both make more sense in the morning.
@pleatedjeans: [spiders pour into room] THEYRE EVERYWHERE [group of tap dancers enter] ALRIGHT MEN THIS IS WHAT WEVE TRAINED FOR
@Bob_Heller: I have a dream that my son will one day live in a nation where he will not be judged by the size of his boat but by the motion of his ocean.