@sarcasticmommy4: A quick way to get your kids to leave you alone is to say, "I need to make your dentist appointment."
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@SirEviscerate: You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!
@weismanjake: I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me "you know Hitler was also a vegetarian" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing
@SassyPantssss: I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding.
@_Enanem_: I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter.