@wizdom: A real boyfriend will blow up his girl's phone when she's mad at him. She may not want to answer, but at least she'll see his effort.
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@hipstermermaid: I can’t believe it’s already been 10 zoips since I invented my own system for measuring time.
@rolldiggity: Bully: "Hey, four eyes!" Me: "Don't you mean... fork eyes?" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]
@Shock_Monster: If your bio says "Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman" I'm assuming you misspelled "Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds."
@LosLos__: •speed dating• I'm looking for a girl with fire in her eyes. Her: Hi. My name is Carrie.