@twayne1010: A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.
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@salmarch79: Whenever my wife forces me to write my own message on a bday card, I write it on top of her's and copy exactly what she wrote.
@BoobsRadley: Therapist: resentment is like drinking poison in the vain hope it makes your enemies sick Me: not if I'm banking on them eating my body
@ch000ch: [climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi
@BradBroaddus: DOCTOR: "I'm calling to notify you of your outstanding balance." ME: "Thanks! I do yoga." DOCTOR:........