@TheBeerGuy73: A reality show, where you spy on your suspected cheating significant other, called Baewatch.
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@jake_likes_naps: [Ouija board in Starbucks] "Speak to me spirits" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S
@ImSoFrancis: BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered what may be the worlds largest bed sheet. More on that as it unfolds.
@SamGrittner: The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana.
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage