@1Happytwit: A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short - now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
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@HavocMantis: *repeatedly tries to explain Sisyphus to classmates who have apparently never heard of him* I wish you guys could get how ironic this is.
@everygirI: boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago
@SatansTongue: "Ok welcome to ask stupid questions club. Any questions?" Is this ask stupid questions club? "You're now the leader of this club" What club?