@gavinpivott: A really hot girl asked me for my number today and all I had to do was hit her car with my car.
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@Mikecanrant: In Batman Begins, the scene when Bruce Wayne throws the gun into the river, if you listen you can hear someone say "you throw like a girl".
@thenoahkinsey: Gerard Butler: Can I get sugar? Waiter: This is sugar. *GB stands pissed* GB: THIS..IS...SPLENDA!! *GB kicks waiter through glass panel*
@MinionTrainer: Noticed lots of older people reading the bible. It's like they are cramming for their final exam.
@bridger_w: If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek