@Phook75: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call
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@inikoblue: I just asked my friend to come over and "play husband". He's gonna be pissed when he finds out we are putting together shelves from ikea.
@DirtMcTurd: Honey, can we skip that wedding this weekend? "What? Why?" It sounds boring and there's no way that couple makes it.. "It's OUR wedding!"
@pizzajaynow: People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
@NurseMurderer: I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.